返信期限のない手紙

机の奥で　色褪せた 十年前の　青い封筒 丸い文字で「未来の僕へ」 「夢はちゃんと叶いましたか」 笑えるほどに　まっすぐで 逃げ場もなくて　息を止めた 叶えたものより　諦めた 名前ばかりが浮かんでた でも破れた　靴の底には 逃げずに歩いた跡がある 見せられない傷の数だけ 今日まで僕を運んできた 返信期限のない手紙に 今の僕を全部書くよ 約束どおりじゃなくていい ここまで生きてこられたよ 夢を叶えたとは言えない だけど夢を捨ててもいない あの日の僕が泣かないように もう一度　歩き出すよ 赤いペンで　書いては消した 言い訳ばかり　並ぶ余白 守れなかった約束より 守ってきたものを数えた 眠れない夜も　朝になり 笑えない日も　息をしてた 誰にも褒められないまま それでも僕は　ここにいる 勝ち負けだけで測れない 命の重さを今は知る 遠回りしたこの足で やっとあの日に帰ってきた 返信期限のない手紙に 震える文字で返事を書く 負けた日々まで抱きしめて 僕は僕を許してゆく 「ねえ　幸せになれましたか」 その一行が　滲んでる 幸せかどうかは分からない でも生きたいと　今は言える 返信期限のない手紙に 今日の僕を全部書くよ 約束どおりじゃなくていい 生きてここまで来たんだ 夢を叶えたとは言えない だけど僕は終わっていない あの日の僕よ　待たせたね ここから一緒に行こう 封をしないで　窓を開ける 返事はこれから　続いてく

At the back of the desk, faded with time A blue envelope from ten years ago In rounded letters, “To my future self” “Did your dreams really come true?” So earnest it almost made me laugh With nowhere to hide, I held my breath Instead of what I had achieved, all I had given up Came back to me, name after name But on the torn soles of my shoes Are traces of every step I took without running away Each scar I could never show Has carried me all the way to today In a letter with no deadline to reply I’ll write down everything I am now It doesn’t have to be exactly as I promised I made it this far alive I can’t say I made my dreams come true But I haven’t thrown them away either So the self I was that day won’t have to cry I’ll start walking once again With a red pen, I wrote and erased The margins filled with nothing but excuses Instead of the promises I couldn’t keep I counted the things I had protected Even sleepless nights turned into morning Even on days I couldn’t smile, I kept breathing Without anyone ever praising me Even so, I am still here Life cannot be measured by winning and losing alone Now I know how much a life weighs With these feet that took the long way around At last I have come back to that day In a letter with no deadline to reply I write my answer in trembling letters Embracing even my days of defeat I am learning to forgive myself “Hey, did you find happiness?” That single line is blurred with tears I don’t know whether I’m happy But now I can say I want to live In a letter with no deadline to reply I’ll write down everything I am today It doesn’t have to be exactly as I promised I lived and made it all the way here I can’t say I made my dreams come true But I am not finished yet To the self I was that day, sorry I kept you waiting Let’s go on together from here I leave it unsealed and open the window My answer will keep unfolding from now on